Troublesome Topic: WHY WERE POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIPS WRONG BUT POLYGAMY WAS ALLOWED?

I imagine that, in some people’s minds, it seems contradictory for God to allow polygamy (usually one man with more than one wife) yet not allow polyamorous relationships (multiple adult partners living together and having sex at will with any and all of the people in that group).

While polygamy was not God’s original design, God allowed it to happen.

Why do I say that polyamorous relationships are wrong? First, it violates the two key principles of lines of authority and type of relationship. Secondly, Leviticus chapter 18 is the most extensive discussion of sexual intercourse outside of marriage given in the Law. In that chapter many examples are given; a quick summary would be to say that any time someone has sex outside of marriage it is wrong. In verse 17 it mentions having sex with more than one partner outside of marriage.

This shows how crucial and helpful the principles of lines of authority and the right kind of relationship are. When I first started writing about these principles several years ago, I had not even heard about polyamorous relationships. When I heard about such relationships, it only took an instant to consider them in light of these two principles and say, “Nope. They do not qualify; therefore, they are wrong.”

How do polygamy and polyamorous relationships affect children?

By far, a home with one husband and one wife provides the greatest stability for a child.

The polyamorous relationships of today seem to center around the needs desires of the adults, especially their sexual desires. Caring and providing for the children that might be in the picture is usually an afterthought. In most cases of polyamorous relationships, there are no clear lines of authority, and the children are given a bad example of how to fulfill sexual desires. Such an arrangement leaves children drifting; it fails to deliver the structure, discipline, provision and love children need and desperately crave.

I do not encourage polygamy, but if carried out correctly, it provides a better situation for children than a polyamorous arrangement.

In the polygamy of ancient Israel, there was one clear father figure for major decisions, and each wife was in charge of the small decisions for her children. Each wife or concubine had the rights of proper food, shelter and the opportunity to bear and raise children. That I am aware of, the only time the Bible expresses the concept of rights, is in regard to the rights of a wife or concubine, as mentioned above. It is implied that each woman’s children also enjoyed the same right to food and shelter. If a man in ancient Israel could not provide properly for more than one wife and her children, he should not even start down the road of polygamy. For children in such situations, the lines of authority were clear, provision for their needs was expected, and discipline was also expected. There was a strong emphasis on the children; most decisions were made with the long-term benefit of the children in mind. Because the two key principles of sexuality were upheld, polygamy was a good example of how sexual desires should be met (but I am glad polygamy is not as popular as it was in ancient times and I would never want to personally go that direction). For children, the downside of polygamy in ancient Israel was that they didn’t get as much time with Dad as would be possible in a home of one husband and one wife.