Troublesome Topic: Insecurity is the Reason Some Women Take Over Without Realizing it


When a woman feels insecure about something important, she cannot be happy, fulfilled or at peace. Therefore, her tendency is to make something happen. She will change what is within her reach, and work to convince others around her to change those things that are outside her reach. The desire to eliminate insecurity is a powerful driving force, so, don’t get in her way!

In reality this is driven by self-centeredness. It sounds incorrect to say it that way, but it is a form of self-protection, of making sure I get what I want. If you listen to someone defend their actions to remove insecurity, you will hear a repeated use of the words “I,” “me,” and “my.” God wants us to trust Him in a full and sometimes uncomfortable way. He also wants us to follow His design even when it requires setting aside our personal desires. In fact, following Him will always require us to set aside our personal desires until we get so close to Him and become so saturated with His word that our will and His will are the same.

I Peter 3:6 instructs the woman “do not fear anything frightening.” God knows that women often respond out of fear and insecurity, so He tells them not to fear, even though many things seem to be legitimate reasons for fear. There are financial concerns, health problems, emotional issues, people who get under our skin, and did I mention financial issues? A wife and mother can find many things to worry about without even trying, but God says, “Trust, don’t worry.” He says, “Submit rather than forcing things to happen.” His words may not make you feel any better, but if you follow them, your life will have less insecurity than any other method you might try.

Is it Sin for a Woman to Make Things Happen in Order to Assuage Her Insecurity? Is This Enough to Keep Her Out of Heaven?

God sees the heart and knows if we have trusted in the blood of Jesus for salvation and are striving to follow Him. He knows that all of us have many flaws and weaknesses. He remembers that we are dust (Ps 103:14). Proverbs 24:16 says, “a righteous man falls seven times (which means he’s always falling) but rises up [each time].” Having spiritual weaknesses and doing some things that are not according to God’s high standard do not surprise God, nor do they keep us out of heaven if we have asked for His forgiveness and are striving to live for Him. I don’t think that this alone is enough to keep a woman out of heaven if she is striving to follow God but is lacking a biblical perspective of these issues because she has been taught otherwise. I do think it is taking a step in the wrong direction and can have subtle but powerful consequences that hurt many people. I believe the root of self-centeredness that feeds one’s attempts to eliminate insecurity can cause other types of self-centeredness to grow. All this can indeed lead to a heart that is not in tune with God, is not focused on God but on self, a life that is not lived for God but for self, a person that is not putting God first, but self first. That is rebellion against God and that will indeed keep a person out of heaven. But I cannot see the heart, so I cannot say for sure when that line has been crossed. Therefore, my answer shows two sides of the same coin; while striving to eliminate insecurity by acting rather than trusting is a step in the wrong direction, it is not always enough to take one completely away from God, however, it can be. Most of the time this issue alone is not “the big one.” But it does not stand alone, so don’t let it grow unchecked.

What about Women Who Do Not Appear to Be Insecure?

I have found in life that many times (but not always) men and women who are overly controlling, overly assertive, or overly forceful are often hiding a deep and powerful insecurity. In order for that insecurity to not become visible, they go overboard with making things happen. Others are not quite so over-the-top with their attitudes and actions, but they can still be hiding insecurities. Of course personality types can also cause over-assertiveness, and probably other factors as well. Some people are OK with letting others see their insecurities, while others try desperately to hide them. So the simple fact that someone does not look like they are insecure does not mean much.

The next lesson is: What about Women Holding Authority Over Men in a Work Setting?