Troublesome Topic: WHAT SHOULD A CHRISTIAN’S RELATIONSHIP WITH HOMOSEXUALS LOOK LIKE?

PERSONAL CONTACT WITH HOMOSEXUALS IN YOUR COMMUNITY

Allow me to start with a story. When I was a missionary in Mexico, I had one of our Mexican pastors join me for part of a day. While we were out and about, he asked if I could take him to a barber shop, so I took him to the barber shop where I always went, and we both got haircuts. Afterwords, he asked me if I noticed that the guys that worked there were all homosexuals. I had not noticed, but after he pointed out several tell-tale characteristics, I had to agree with him. My next thought was, “I don’t want to back there anymore.” But later the Holy Spirit brought to my mind another way to look at this. He impressed on me that if all Christ-followers avoided all homosexuals, there would never be any witness to them. I felt convicted of my first reaction.

I believe we should be very purposeful about having relationships with people who send signals that they are practicing homosexuals. They need to be befriended, not rejected (if they will accept such a friendship). Because they have always heard that God is angry at them and Christians hate them, they need to see the Gospel in action, not just hear what it teaches. They need to see and feel the impact of what a proper balance of holiness and grace looks like. We benefit from God’s holiness and grace and so can they. This balance between God’s holiness and His grace is best communicated through personal contact from a person that shows genuine interest in them, not from a pulpit or a video.

They will likely remain in their sin if all they hear is that God is a holy God who punishes sin. Condemnation never draws people; it pushes people away. They will also remain in their sin if all they hear is that God is full of love and mercy because this will cause them to think they are ok and can stay as they are. This is also true of other people who are obviously living in habitual sin.

Two examples

I heard a grandma say that her granddaughter invited her to the wedding where she (her granddaughter) would get married to her girlfriend. This grandma struggled to know what to do. In the end she chose to go to the wedding and give a gift without saying anything about her concerns.

I recognize this is a difficult situation, and I must admit that I have never been their myself. In the realm of theory and general Bible teaching I wish to humbly suggest something for this type of situation. I believe that if a person in that type of situation has been consistent over time in sharing both loving acceptance (by things like taking her out to eat semi-regularly) and concern for her spiritual condition, they will be able to remain consistent when the “big stuff” happens, such as a wedding. In my mind, consistency for a wedding would mean not going to the wedding but offering to take them both out to eat. Attending the wedding would be a form of condoning or affirming the marriage. The granddaughter would already know where you stand on the issue but also know that you love her because you have been taking her out to eat regularly for a long time. The key is to start early and show the balance of God’s grace and holiness before the “big events” come along.

But to be consistent we must do the same type of thing with someone, say a son, who is living with his girlfriend without getting married. All such situations call for consistency in showing loving acceptance of him as a person, and concern for his spiritual condition, which is much more than his sexual habits, but includes his sexual habits.

It should be obvious that this takes a relationship. Saying the right things apart from a relatively close relationship almost always proves to be futile. If a relationship has been built, the son may still get upset, but he will know that we tried to communicate both sides of the situation.

IF ONE OR MORE HOMOSEXUALS SHOW INTEREST IN ATTENDING YOUR CHURCH

“Going to church” is not, in itself, a solution to anything, although it can be part of a bigger solution. If a practicing homosexual expresses interest in attending your church, I believe it is important for someone in leadership to make the following things clear to that individual.

1. God loves them enough to accept them as they are, and He loves them too much to leave them as they are. They do not need to get their life all fixed up before coming to God, in fact, that will never work. This is true for everyone.
2. If that person is serious about spiritual change in their life, they should also be willing to make changes in their lifestyle. This is true for all of us, as is illustrated by the example of people helping lead worship who are living with someone they are not married to. If we accept people into our fellowship who are openly living in sin without calling them to stop living in sin, we are condoning those sinful acts. This is true of homosexuals, cohabitators, drug addicts, alcoholics who often get drunk, people hooked on pornography, habitual liars, habitual gossips, etc. etc. While many believers have sinful habits in their lives that they are struggling to break, the point is that they are struggling, they are actively striving to be free, with God’s help. But if someone who is ensnared by any other the things listed above wants to join your fellowship without changing their lifestyle, they should constantly be challenged toward that change. Hopefully, by constantly calling them to something higher, they will stop playing the game they are playing; they will stop by either giving their lives fully to God and putting forth effort to live for Him, or they will stop attending church activities. I know that most congregations don’t want anyone to stop attending their services, but we are not accomplishing anything good if we allow what should be the fellowship of committed Christ-followers to become a social gathering of everyone who wants to be seen as slightly religious.

In the last two paragraphs, I hope you noticed a balance between holiness and grace. God demonstrates that kind of balance. So should we.

The next lesson is: CROSSDRESSING IS DECEPTION