1 Timothy2:12

In the house-church setting of the New Testament, the role of a teacher was for very specific situations, and, unlike our weekly sermons, was not seen every week. It was usually a word of exhortation or a teaching in the form of a biblically based warning which was pertinent to what was going on in their group or their culture. We can be clear that it should be a man that gives this teaching.

It is helpful to keep in mind that there were different types of meetings in the house-church system. There were gatherings of a single-family unit (we would not usually call this the church, but it is), there were gatherings of an extended family, also gatherings of several family units, and finally there were gatherings of all the family units in a given city or area that followed Jesus. The latter is what was meant when the phrases “the whole church” or “all the church” is used in the New Testament, see Acts 5:11, Acts 15:22, Rom 16:23, and I Cor 14:23.

Each family unit was its own ”realm”. The more realms represented at a meeting, the greater authority was needed to be allowed to address the group. That meant that even husbands and fathers were not allowed to speak at the meetings of the whole church, unless asked to do so by a grandfather figure – an elder. This is an issue of levels of authority, not just a male/female issue.

But when it comes to teaching, the father of the home was considered the priest of his home during Biblical times. If anyone in the family had a spiritual or religious question, they should take it to their priest – their husband or father. If he did not know the answer, he would take it to the priest over him – his father. If his father did not know, he would ask other elderly men in his clan. If none of them knew the answer, they would ask the priest on duty at the tabernacle or temple. If the priest on duty did not know, he would ask the High Priest. If the High Priest did not know, he would take that question to God by means of the Urim and Thummim, which he carried in a pouch over his heart, and God would give the answer, unless it was asked with nefarious intent. God did not answer King Saul’s request using Urim and Thummim because Saul’s heart was rebellious against God. One reason Paul told women to learn from their husbands was that the husband was the priest of the home. We have abandoned this arrangement, but we would do well to begin following it again.

Can we teach through sharing? Yes, I have often heard a sermon when someone gives a testimony. Whenever I have heard a sermon in a testimony, was it that person’s intent to sermonize? Usually not, but the Holy Spirit loves to use personal stories to impact others.

Were women allowed to share a testimony of what God had done or a prayer request in their meetings? We cannot be sure, but I think they were allowed in certain contexts since the emphasis on this passage is on the attitude (calmness) not whether any sound was coming out of a woman’s mouth.

Should a house-church allow women, children and youth to share what they have learned in scripture and in life? Yes, in the small meetings of extended family and a few others, if done with the right attitude. In medium size meetings, it would only happen if the father/priest of that home indicated that his wife could share something better than he could, but this was extremely rare; usually the father shared on behalf of his family.

Should a house-church allow women, children and youth to respond to what they hear? Yes, in the small meetings of extended family and a few others, if done with the right attitude.

In the larger meetings, which I call a household of households, the women were never allowed to share, and neither were the young men. Even the younger grandfathers would not get to share in the larger settings.

The word “authority” in Greek is a compound word made up of the word “auto/self” and the word “work or do.” It is a picture of someone who works or does things of his own initiative and without any authority figure over him. He is in charge of himself, and no one tells him what to do. However, none of us are ever able to work or act without answering to someone else. The husband is under God’s authority, he cannot act on his own as if no one can tell him what to do. In this passage, the word “authority” may mean what it normally means – authority within a greater line of authority, or it may go back to its root meaning, indicating that the woman cannot act as if she has no one over her; she cannot do whatever she pleases. I think Paul would say that if a woman acts outside the authority of her husband, whom God has placed over her, then she is also acting outside of God’s authority. By rejecting her husband’s authority, she is rejecting God’s authority and acting totally on her own, which is not a healthy thing for anyone to do.

But don’t men sometimes abuse their position of authority? Yes, they sometimes do. However, whenever they do so, they are acting outside of God’s authority because men have been specifically commanded to love their wives just like Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her (Eph 5:25). The man is not free to do whatever he wants with the authority he has been given; he must exercise it in the way God has prescribed, which is by putting others first. When we fail to follow the system God has established and then things get ugly, we should not say God was wrong to set things up that way, nor throw out the system and search for another one. It was our fault for not following what God established. Here is an example. If we use a tool such as a power saw, a lawnmower, a drill, a kitchen knife, a microwave oven, etc. in a way that it was not designed to function and then it damages something or injures us, we cannot blame the manufacturer of that tool because we are at fault for having used it incorrectly.

So the issue is authority, and the big one is teaching.

Paul’s discussion here is specific to a house-church setting in which the family is the key structural unit; it is not intended to address society in general.

What does “nor exercise authority over a man” mean?

1. It means not making decisions for him. Thus, in a gathering of a house-church, a man should be the facilitator of the meeting. Men should be the ones to make the decisions about the use of money, but women may give their suggestions. In other areas of life, such as the home, it likewise means that the wife should allow the husband to make the big decisions which set the direction their family is moving in. They should function as a team, meaning that he should ask her opinion, and they should work together to achieve the goal. As captain of the team, he should make the final call, and she should respect his decision.

There is a story which says that, long ago, a king sent his servants to inquire at each home of his kingdom regarding who was acting as the head of the household. If the family agreed that the father was the head of the home, the king’s servants were instructed to give the family a horse as a gift from the king; if they indicated that mom ran the show, the king’s servants were instructed to give the family a goose as a gift from the king. At one home the family agreed that the father was the head of the home, so the king’s servants gave the family a horse. It happened to be a brown horse. As the servants began to leave, one of the children ran after them and said, “Mommy says she wants a white horse.” So the king’s servants returned and exchanged the brown horse for a white goose.

In more recent times, one man said, “I make the big decisions and my wife makes the small decisions. In 25 years of marriage I haven’t made one decision yet.” That does not sound like teamwork to me.

Most of us have seen examples of both extremes. We have seen men who treat their wives like doormats to wipe their feet on, or like sex slaves, or household servants. That is NOT what God had in mind, and those men will face some type of consequence for it. We have also seen marriages where the husband is a little puppet, unable to do or say much because the wife makes all the calls and always gets her way. This is not what God had in mind either. We have also seen less extreme versions of the problems described above. A perfect balance is hard to find, but we should strive for the kind of balance the Bible describes, not just what we envision or what our culture says is the right balance.

2. It means not being disrespectful of her husband. Part of respecting the husband, and part of the couple functioning as a team, is that the father represents the family during a time of sharing in the house-church gather.

Apart from the context of a house-church meeting, the principles of love and respect should permeate every aspect of a marriage relationship. Emmerson Eggeriches has done an excellent job of teaching that a man should love his wife and a wife should respect her husband. The Bible consistently commands us to function in those ways. Here is a link to Emmerson’s web site which offers lots of excellent resources: https://www.loveandrespect.com/.

As stated above, we should not expect people who do not want to follow God to live by these standards. If there are men and women working at similar tasks within a given company, I think they should get paid according to how well they do their jobs. Period. Nothing else should matter. Neither should performance be ignored in order to advance a politically correct agenda. Women are better at some things and men are better at some things. Usually we will find a type of work we feel we are relatively good at and stick with that for a while, and I think most people expect to be paid according to how well they do their job (except for loafers, they want to get paid more than what they are worth).

Paul’s discussion here was specific to a house-church setting in which the family was the key structural unit. It also referred to Jewish families, and during much of their history, to Jewish society in general. However, our society has moved away from such thinking. As believers in Jesus, we should start by modeling these roles and principles in our own homes, then teach other believers to follow them. Over time and with God’s help, we might be able to influence culture toward a more family-oriented and God-centered focus.